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How to Make Your Anger Work for You

NOTE: Sometimes when we’re really, really angry we are not looking for ways out of it. This is for when we are.

I always like to look at anger first through the lens of presence. When we say be present, we say accept. We say accept everything as it is without judgment. Anger is a sign that there is something we are not wanting to accept and there is always juicy goodness in this dynamic that we tend to overlook. When we are not wanting to accept something as it is, so much so that it angers us, we are declaring that there is something else very particular that we want to be, do, or have. And then we don’t think about or focus on that thing at all. Instead, we focus on the lack of it and that’s how we get stuck.

The opportunity then, always, is to use the anger as a springboard into cultivating what’s wanted. The law of attraction is always on and intentions matter — intentions being the way we leverage the law of attraction to work for us.


The difference with this approach is that I’m in the driver’s seat. The other way, I’m fully dependent on them and what they do. It’s my choice.

Let’s say I’m super pissed off because two of my friends seem to be ganging up against me. The dynamic is rife with history, charged with emotion, and seems to be getting worse. It’s monumentally unfair, I won’t accept being treated like this, and I want them to apologize and treat me better from now on.

Resisting “being treated like this” causes pain and anger. The truth is I am being treated like this so my willingness to stop resisting what is, is what positions me to springboard. We can’t ever intend for other people — they will do what they will do and, in this scenario, I’ll hope they apologize. Regardless though, underneath it all, I have a clear desire for friends that is different from what I’m getting from these friends — and that’s the juice! I can take my desire for the kinds of friends I want to have, springboard from resistance to what’s happening with these friends that I don’t like and into creating a shiny, clear intention for the kinds of friendships I actually want to have. Then I go about the business of cultivating that intention. If I do it right, new friends who comport with my intention will appear. And maybe the old ones will rise to meet me, too. The difference with this approach is that I’m in the driver’s seat. The other way, I’m fully dependent on them and what they do. It’s my choice.

Anger in and of itself is not a problem — it is a common human experience. It’s just not the whole story.



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